Punish Me
by Lilymon
Summary: Reformulated Loveless fiction for better understanding.. thenk you for the review hope you people like it...


_**Punish Me**_

He was right there, as if it belonged to the place... and I was nothing but the same old ordinary boy. So unchanged. So forever. Outside a tiny child while inside growing older than my multiplied years… would it be forever?

"_I love you, Ritsuka…"_

Why can't your voice just leave my head? Why do I have to keep on depending on you like that! I don't want to hear you anymore, I don't want to see you anymore, I don't want to live anymore…

"Soubi…"

You mumble by the sound of your name. Even in your dreams you wait to be punished? To be ordered? Can you just sleep in peace?

"Ritsu…ka. Are you awake already?"

You search my face with your untainted hands. What for? I am as out of reach as the butterflies you claim to dislike. Will you put me on a glass or pin me down while watching me die?... or grow?

"Soubi… it's time for you to leave… don't you think?"

"_Order me"_

"Leave…"

"_Don't leave"_

You stay motionless on my sheets while reading my thoughts… since when? How can you just make me so transparent? Don't defy me… please, follow my orders or I might change my mind again…

"I Lo-"

I claim your lips before hearing you finish the sentence. The only way I found to keep you shut…. What? No emotion? Won't you just grab me or tease me like you always did?

Curiosity really killed the cat. And it's going to consume me. Burn me to ashes.

"Soubi…"

I breath as I part from you…

"Did you… did you do these things to Seimei also?"

Such a sad face… why aren't you looking at me? Read me now! Understand me now! Look at me now! Why do I feel so alone? Why do I need to feel this body by my side? Since when you made me so dependent of you? Since when you made me so… weak. I have nowhere to go… but to you now.

Seimei… was this all already planned by you? Was all of this your project? Why? So cruel… Seimei…

"Why are you crying, Ritsuka?"

"None of your business"

"Why are you crying, Ritsuka?"

"STOP FUCKING REPEATING YOURSELF! I heard you! Stop talking like you are a machine! Seimei is DEAD! You don't need to serve him anymore! Nor me! Can't you see?"

"Punish me…"

"No…"

"Punish me…"

You say taking my hands between yours. Why? Such a sweet face, Soubi. Why do you even bother? Maybe you really are a pervert that wants to be punished and feel pain to realize you are alive. Are you alive?

"Don't touch me, Soubi. I want you gone!"

"Order me. Say _"get lost" _and I'll vanish…"

So blind… my beloved Beloved… Putting my hands on your face I make your body cover mine. I look so small.

"Get… lost…"

I whisper as you turn back and stand up. I feel so small… can't seem to control my tears anymore. As you walk to the window I feel my heart stop. It's snowing outside. So cold. Or is it myself? My own hands seems colder than the look on Soubi's face. You'll be cold. You can't go. Not tonight.

"Don't…"

You turn around as if you had predicted my word. Everything seemed like it was lived before. You walk back. Close. Closer. Closer. Why can't I see your eyes? Everything seems so blurry in front of me… am I crying? Again…?

"Don't…"

He whispers in my cat ears.

"Don't go, Soubi. Don't leave me tonight. Punish me…"

"Why?"

"Punish me…"

I want to live. I want to feel I'm alive. Let it be pain. Let it be love. Hurt me, Soubi, so I can curse your name forever. Hurt me bad. Make me never forget you. Make the photos go away. Make me never need them again to remember me of you. Make me hate you…

"Ritsuka…"

You say while hugging me and dragging me to bed again. How come I woke up under the sheets? I don't even remember coming home at the first place… you claim my lips. Strangely sweet your taste. Is this the taste of the cigarette you just promised to quit?

Your skin seems too warm. Or am I too cold? Piece by piece I get hurt by you as my clothes fall on the floor, abandoned as my heart. Followed by yours. As much left as mine. How long have I last seen me naked? I don't even seem to change a bit. Look at myself on the mirror it's just like opening a photo file. I'm stuck. My age has stopped at 13 even though I'm 18 now. And you, Soubi, such a hot body covering the coldness of mine.

You kiss me more violently as your eyes seems to burn me to ashes. And I don't seem to care anymore. Such a painful emotion I can't even describe what's me in you or you in me. Naked beneath you I feel things I've never thought were possible… you go down on me kissing my body as if knifes transpassed me. How could you?

"Soubi… sou- Ah! Don't… not… there…"

You bite my legs tenderly to keep me awake of what I am and what I'm doing. Ow please, make me lose it. Make me lose my mind and not wake up for 5 years. Make me die.

I moan your name as I turn my back on you. The pain will soon fade away. You really kept your promise and you took my ears away. You killed me. With one last breath he grabs my hair hurting me and make me face him for a wild kiss. Are you the master now? Did Seimei met this side of you? The wild beast possessing me. Yes. This is to make memory. A scar that will never fade.

Collapsing corpse satisfied upon me. And somehow, somehow, I smiled. You saw. Yes, you killed me. But you took me back. Like mother says "the Ritsuka from the past is dead"… but not the reborn one.

"I love you, Ritsuka…"

…

"So cruel, Soubi…"

I say while standing up in front of the mirror watching my ears and my tail disappear.

"_I love you too…"_

"_Somehow…"_

_PS: _" " - talks _" " - thoughts_


End file.
